Admitting Defeat

Admitting defeat.  Starting anew by making a new plan.  Moving on. 

That right there, is my goal for the week.  My fitness journey has not been going well.  I am back up to basically my original weight.  I have been eating everything and anything, and not tracking my calories.  I have not been following my workout schedule.  I set awesome weekly goals, but then I do not follow through with them.  I have been fairly silent on my blog lately, but that’s because I haven’t had anything positive to reports.  It’s time to get the negative out, and move on.

As much as it sucks, and makes me feel awful to admit this, I have failed my original plan.  I run my first full marathon in just 15 weeks, and I have only run about 6 times in the last three weeks…not good.  My original training plan was exactly 18 weeks long, and messing up those first 3 weeks has really hurt my endurance and confidence.  I have not run over 5 miles in the last 3 weeks, even though I was supposed to do 3 long runs of 10, 11, 8 miles, respectively.  Instead, I made excuses of why I couldn’t go for a run, or how I could make it up later, but that never happened. 

Instead of attempting to make up these workouts, like an addict, I am admitting I have a problem.  Admitting I have a problem is the first step in fixing the problem.  I have lacked the proper motivation and discipline.  When it comes down to it, I am trying to become more healthy for myself, and I am the only one who make myself workout and reach the goal of running a full marathon.

Now that I have acknowledged my problem, I will start anew by making a new training plan.  I will run this marathon.  I will not let myself self-sabotage any longer.  I know my body can accomplish this feat, and I will turn my motivation and confidence around to reflect what my body already knows, but what my mind hasn’t quite figured out yet. 

I will work on a new training plan tonight, and I will NOT miss a workout again.  How do I know I am not going to be defeated again?  Well, I need to prove Nick wrong.  Overall, I am on this running journey for myself, but Nick and I had a conversation last night that really irked me, and now I’m on a mission to show him up. 

I always joke that we should get another dog.  We already have 2, and they are plenty to handle, so I am never serious about wanting a third, it’s just an on-going joke.  I brought it up last night though, that if I complete all of my workouts for 10 weeks, Nick should buy me another dog.  He chuckled when I said this, and said he would definitely take me up on that offer because it would never happen.  I didn’t really realize what he had said until later since we were just joking around, but the more I thought about it, the more it hurt.  My own boyfriend doesn’t have faith in me that I can keep on schedule with my workouts.

That may make Nick seem like an asshole, but trust me, he is nothing of the sort.  Nick is my biggest supporter.  He jogged about 6 miles around a half marathon course just so he could see my pass by multiple times.  Running really isn’t his thing, but he always offers to run with me, if it’s under 6 miles…  He’s crazy about me, and tells me I’m beautiful all the time.  Any time I am down on myself, he tries his damndest to pick me back up. 

If he’s so great, why did the scoff at my goal?  Well, we live together, he’s seen the trend in my fitness journey.  He tries to help motivate me, but when I have my heart set on NOT running, there is NO way to make me run.  Overall, he probably shouldn’t have laughed, but if the roles were reversed, I probably would have done the same.  I think his skepticism was just the kick in the pants I needed.             

Now that I have admitted my failure, and I have started to for m a new plan, it is time to move on.  Dwelling on my missteps is only going to make me feel poorly.  I am not giving up, so there is no need to wallow in self-pity.  I’m moving on.  It’s time for the real deal!